February 27, 2019

Many of us were raised to believe that the only polite or kind answer is "yes." But as Dr. Christine Carter, a UC Berkeley researcher, notes, "If you find yourself saying 'yes' when you mean 'no,' it's a recipe for overwhelm and exhaustion." Not to mention resentment, burnout, and ill health!

Ironically, research shows that the busier we are, the more we tend to say "yes." Saying "yes" makes us feel generous. The consequences—becoming stressed and overburdened by the commitment—are down the road. We'd rather overlook those realities than feel stingy or selfish right now by setting limits and saying "no."

According to Dr. Carter, there are three steps to saying "no" gracefully:

  • Rehearse saying "no." There is a process. First, avoid comparing your need to the other person's. Then, train yourself to think through how you will feel when the day of reckoning comes. Recall the last time you overextended yourself and ended up sick. Or ended up too tired to do something you were looking forwa...

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